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Monday, March 28, 2011
THE LIFETIME MOVIE NETWORK OBSERVATIONS
A couple of years ago I was sick and didn’t feel like doing anything except watch television. By chance, I stumbled upon “The Lifetime Movie Network.” And I was hooked. After watching movie after movie, I came to the conclusion that every single movie had similar things going on and so I kept watching to see if there were something different—but there wasn’t.
Here is a list of what I observed and if you watch these movies, I’m sure you will agree.
There is a cast of actors and actresses who always play different roles but trust me, it is always the same ones.
Wealthy people always live in magnificent lofts or mansions: Nothing in between. And their dwellings are always isolated—like way out in the country or in the city near nothing.
Poor people live in shacks or horrid apartments.
There are either wealthy people or poor people: No middle class.
The main character or the one who turns out evil always has an art gallery or is having an art show at a swanky place. Always. And the people in attendance are always drinking wine.
When cooking, a man or woman is always fixing spaghetti sauce and nothing else. And yet when dinner is served, the table is full of food.
All of the adults always drink wine—nothing else ever. [There must be a slew of cheap clear wine glasses behind the scenes!]
A character is either simply divine or a horrid person with a criminal past.
Lavish parties are always given and everything goes without a hitch.
Relatives are either wonderful or simply awful and they stay a long long time.
The villain is usually one who has been nurse and hides a hypodermic needle for usage and when used, the villain knows how to use it with a fatal result.
If a character has a gun, no matter what, that gun gets knocked to the floor and is recovered by a good person—always.
There is always a happy ending which is predictable.
Children are either perfect or demon-possessed—no in between.
Planned trips are always to somewhere divine and costly: Yet no one whines about the expense. Money abounds.
A strange person who is introduced into the story always winds up as a long lost relative.
I’m sure I could expound upon this list as could you. These are just my observations about these movies. Predictable? Of course! And yet I watch them all of the time. Maybe it’s that sense of “I know what will happen” that keeps me watching—it has to be! I don’t drink [except for wine on some occasions] so I use a wine glass for my iced tea while watching and always develop a strong craving for spaghetti. How could I not? It’s the only food that the viewer sees being made –the spaghetti sauce.
If you watch these movies see if you don’t come up with a list similar to mine! And get out that wine glass. After all, you know what will happen!