I go out many nights and stare at the stars
And search as hard as I can
For I am searching for what was
And what was can never be again.
It could have been if I let myself get engulfed again
In him but no, I did not want to let that happen.
He tried to take my very soul.
He tried to break me into a million pieces.
And he almost succeeded.
I often wonder if someone else is searching
At the very same time I am.
And I wonder if he knows that I have a lot to give
And a lot of me that is so wounded.
Sometimes I feel like a pair of scissors with one
Side missing—where is the other side?
I may never find it ever again.
It is hard to search with tears in your eyes
For it clouds up what might be right in front of you.
And you miss it.
The searching goes on but not as much as before
I have let myself slow down this search
And I know the reason why.
My heart was shattered and flung into a place
That is so deep I have quit looking.
I know it is still there for I feel it.
I know it is still there for it is still hurt.
And I know that there is another he
Who can fix it—for it needs fixed and put back
Like a jigsaw puzzle.
I can only hope that if he is looking at the same
Star at the very same time that he will find me.
Find me and stop my searching.
But beware that almost once my very soul was
Gone and retrieved.
And that trust is a fragile thing—fragile as tissue paper.
But if ever, I can be strong once again and end this
Quest for no one wants to keep on searching forever.