SEARCHING

Searching

I go out many nights and stare at the stars

And search as hard as I can

For I am searching for what was

And what was can never be again.

It could have been if I let myself get engulfed again

In him but no, I did not want to let that happen.

He tried to take my very soul.

He tried to break me into a million pieces.

And he almost succeeded.



I often wonder if someone else is searching

At the very same time I am.

And I wonder if he knows that I have a lot to give

And a lot of me that is so wounded.

Sometimes I feel like a pair of scissors with one

Side missing—where is the other side?

I may never find it ever again.

It is hard to search with tears in your eyes

For it clouds up what might be right in front of you.

And you miss it.



The searching goes on but not as much as before

I have let myself slow down this search

And I know the reason why.

My heart was shattered and flung into a place

That is so deep I have quit looking.

I know it is still there for I feel it.

I know it is still there for it is still hurt.

And I know that there is another he

Who can fix it—for it needs fixed and put back

Like a jigsaw puzzle.

I can only hope that if he is looking at the same

Star at the very same time that he will find me.



Find me and stop my searching.

But beware that almost once my very soul was

Gone and retrieved.

And that trust is a fragile thing—fragile as tissue paper.

But if ever, I can be strong once again and end this

Quest for no one wants to keep on searching forever.



Sherry Hill