"THE NEVER ENDING EVENING WITH BOB!"

“THE NEVER ENDING EVENING WITH BOB”

Sometimes things happen over which we have no control. None. Nada. But I will never ever forget an evening when a man named Bob descended upon me. He had worked on the remodeling of my house and was sent here to do a repair by the contractor. Knew when he called me that he was on his way here; what I didn’t know was that that early evening was never ending as well as horrid.

When the doorbell rang, I opened the door and there he was all “duded” up and reeking of cologne. As he entered my kitchen that cologne smell mingled with everything and he then proceeded to plop himself down on one of my kitchen chairs. Guess I should add that I was hobbling around with a fractured knee and wearing a long leg brace—for that comes into play later. I said “I thought you were going to fix the part of the wall in here but I can see you aren’t dressed for that.” His reply was “Would you like to go out and eat some pusghetti?” I looked him in wonderement or maybe shock; no one had called spaghetti that except my sons when they were little. I knew it was going to be a bad evening right then!

Told him that I couldn’t [didn’t want to anyway with him!] and then he said, “Well, you can put your leg up on my dashboard and we can go eat at a restaurant and get some fine food: Fried liver and onions!” “No” again was my answer and I could tell that Bob was relentless. I was stuck in movement re my knee and wanted to run but I couldn’t. At that very minute the phone rang and it was a friend of mine calling; she wanted to come up as she was in hysterics due to her husband. Told her “YES!” That call from her was a lifesaver—timed just right.

Bob kept going on about going out to eat and then my friend arrived [I was never so thankful in my life!] and she sat down at the table with us. He then asked her  if she would like to join us in a dinner of pusghetti or liver and onions. She told him that she wasn’t hungry. Bob then started telling us about Simon Kenton [a real life legend in West Virginia also known as “The Whispering Ghost”] and he went on and on about how the Indians tied him up to a tree and what transpired. My friend said, “Was he dead then?” “No!”he replied and proceeded to go on and on. I said to him “Oh you mean The Whispering Ghost?” and he had no idea of whom I was talking about.

By this time my friend was getting the message from me that I had to get rid of him. She said that she hardly had enough gas money to get home and he started throwing twenty dollar bills at her! Those were thrown back at him by her. And he continued on with that Simon Kenton story till I thought I would scream—he told about Kenton’s intestines [who wanted to hear that?] and all the while using horrible English as well. Told us that Kenton was “sustrended”-have no idea what he meant but he sure did. Finally after two hours of this, my friend said that she thought she’d just spend the night here as it was getting late—thinking that would make him leave.

Wrong! Bob said, “I know let’s order a pizza!” And so I had to for by this time not only was I starving but so was my girl friend; not sure about Bob. Pizza was delivered and we watched him chow down piece after piece while still going on about Simon Kenton. Made me lose my appetite. About midnight he finally said that he had to leave. I was never so glad to see anyone depart my house ever! On his way out, he said “I’ll call you tomorrow and we can go out and have pusghetti!” That never happened because I had caller id and saw his phone number when the phone rang the next morning. Didn’t pick up the phone. And his cologne still lingered in my foyer and made me gag!

And so thankful I didn’t. Sometimes when you get company like  him you know it’s going to be a bad evening and was it ever. No pusghetti or liver and onions but a pizza and a friend who saved the evening! And Bob never did return to fix the kitchen wall problem. But if he had, would I have let him in? No way! Not in this life time!

Sherry Hill