October 23 comes around every year but for the last thirteen years, there has been no celebration. That date was my mom's birthday and every year for as long as I taught school, I always sent her a dozen yellow roses for they were her favorite.
Sad isn't it to realize that you are no longer someone's daughter or even more sad to come to the realization that you don't have a mom anymore? Oh it did hit me after she died for it was a Friday evening and the coming Sunday was Mother's Day. But I was still numb in the sense that it really wasn't true that she had died.
Thirteen years later of going to her grave and placing yellow roses has become a ritual on her birthday.
And oh how she loved celebrating it with family and friends. She was deluged with birthday cards the like of which I've never seen. And those yellow roses sat on the living room table as if to say "We are here for you!"
Yesterday was a day of sadness but also one of happiness for had she not been born, I wouldn't be here writing this. I owe her my life as all of us owe our mothers that. But not a day goes by that I don't miss her or want to call her just to talk and hear logic.
The good thing is that I can still hear her words she spoke to me and I have tons of memories with her and about her. And if I see yellow roses, I think of her.
And so Oct. 23 is both a sad and yet a happy day. If you lost your mom, I know you feel the very same: It just doesn't seem that it should happen and yet reality tells us that it will. Keep your memories of your late mom close to your heart. I do and that's a very good place for them to be.
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